INTEGRITY LOOKS DIFFERENT
The sky turned from scorching sun to cloudy, and the air was heavy and hot. Hotter than anticipated. My brother and I might not have attended the outdoor jazz event in July had we seen the forecasted 96-degree heat. As the musicians announced their break, my brother and I walked in search of a cold beverage. We also hoped to get lucky, cooler air would join the clouds, or we might find a fan, but it wasn’t too late for luck. Just ahead, someone parked a shaved ice cart open for business. If only it could be that easy.
There were 15 to 20 people in the slow-moving line. Picture it. Four to six adults were corralling children in various stages of growth. There were infants in strollers, toddlers meandering, and four to six-year-olds already hyper from the prospect of more sugar.
A man who inched his way in from the side stood out because he tried to be inconspicuous. Had he walked up acting like he belonged, none would have been the wiser. We would have chalked him up to being somebody’s grandfather. Instead, his head was on a swivel as he sidestepped into a position next to the woman scooping the frozen treats. “I know it’s hard to tell, but the end of the line is over here,” I said, giving him the benefit of the doubt. I understood that parents trying to organize their children was quite the scene. Confusing. When everyone’s eyes shifted to his, he acknowledged the crowd with a nod and walked to the end of the line. “I wasn’t trying to cut the line,” he said. “I only wanted to stand under the umbrella, so my head won’t burn. I’m recovering from skin cancer.”
I can be rational and still not affirm his absurd explanation. In other words, I refuse to say yes to an obvious no to make the guilty feel better. I turned toward my brother and said, “You’d think someone recovering from such a nasty disease would wear a hat on the hottest day of the year.” My brother laughed and promptly added, “Why didn’t he run for cover before the sun disappeared?” “We know what’s up, and so does he,” I said. We laughed.
Then, my brother stepped away and took a phone call, and my mind raced. I thought, how can people lie when you’re staring at the truth? Are we supposed to nod and agree to our exploitation, their lack of principles, and participate in their cruel game of making stuff up? Hell no. This dude will not cut the line. I returned to the present only to find the man at the front of the line placing his order. “I will have two-”
“You’re a liar,” I said, striding three long strides to close the distance between us. Engulfed in shame, visible by his flush shade of red, he returned to the end of the line. Luckily a woman who knew the man joined him, and I didn’t have to listen to more lame explanations. Her spastic dog disrupted the children’s order and caused the line to, once again, look more like a cluster than a line. My brother also returned.
A woman in front of me collected her four children and slushies and said, “You’d better step up in a hurry to order. Don’t you see what they’re doing?” “Thank you, I’ll be fine,” I said and smiled. Then, I watched the other woman steer her dog between us. My half-step retreat was enough for her to stand front and center at the counter.
I caught the woman mid-lip as she inhaled to give voice to her order. “I’m next,” I said. “Oh, I’m just here for the shade,” she said. “It’s so hot out here,” her face turning a fresh shade of cranberry as she wouldn’t stop talking. My brother looked at the woman and then the man and said, “Yeah, but integrity looks different.”
Don’t dismiss this as a ridiculous story about shaved ice, lest you miss the message. I see the incident as an illustration of the sick mindset of “getting over” that permeates every part of our society. It has become our culture. Therefore, let’s keep it real. I’m not blaming the man or the woman for their sickness. That would be like calling her dog a co-conspirator for helping her create space. The dog followed his leader. And the man and woman followed their leaders.
Think about it. We’ve experienced the indictment of a former president. Our supreme court accepts lavish gifts from billionaires and rules on their cases. Senators on both sides of the aisle receive millions of dollars from gun lobbyists. And members of the House of Representatives continue to defy norms and ethics. In the name of getting over, there have been college admissions scandals, redistricting to disenfranchise specific voters, and even our food is now killing us. And what’s effed up is that we are all to blame.
Consider what we could accomplish if we collectively called out lies and corruption—holding each other accountable. And bring back shame. Thinking like that might move us forward. Cooperatively. So would practicing gratitude over anger and optimism over conflict. Finally, suppose our public embraced my brother’s words, “Integrity looks different.” Then banned together and practiced truth, justice, harmony, right actions, and right words. We’d potentially have a “more perfect union” and slushies without excuses.
